Like vs Want - Parenting
A Family Affair. My sister told me to stop saying "like" and start saying "want" and demanded I make this my new year's resolution for myself in the Chinese New Year of the Rabbit. Not very meaningful when you read this at face value because everyone will tell you that one must be decisive, one must speak up, one must be direct and when one asks, yee shall receive. It is not an act of selfishness but an act of a superior mind by a person who knows what he/she wants and demands to be treated in a certain way. Let us explore how like and want behave in my family through a looking-glass.
This week was the CNY 2011 holidays and the revealing results of parenting by which one sibling always says "I want to do this, I want to have that", and the other says "I like to have this, I like to see that" was given its peak. Disregard the personalities, the characters and the social surroundings and purely look at the impact of words.
It is very rare that I will say where I want to go eat on family festive days since my mum always has final say but this year, because I told her I wanted to go somewhere, we went there for lunch. check.
When we came home from dinner and my sister wanted to play mahjong, a Chinese past time which all Chinese people play over CNY, and the whole setup was made live in 30 mins by my parents without my sister lifting a finger. check.
When I told myself "I want to win this round" of mahjong and sat up and put on a serious face and did some banging on the table, I literally won all 3 of my opponents!! It only happened once!! check.
Just as we were getting ready for bed, the "like vs want" thought crossed my mind and my sister spoke at the exact same time: why dont you say "you want" rather than "you like or wish" more often. You should ask for what you want more, ok!? Surprised not by the context of the words but the intimate sameness and feelings it brought to both of us, I could not stop but wonder what brought the same thought into our minds?
The answer is simple. Parents live for children. They feel needed when their children ask them for things. They feel alive when they can provide for their children. They feel proud when they can give their children what they want.
For the longest time, I have been the perpetual opposite of what my parents want to have from me. I am always the rebel in the family and I always choose to do things differently as I choose to live a life of freewill, of spontanaeity and in the grandiose allure of non-compliance. I am sure there are many people like me in this world. However, also for the longest time, my sibling has created the comfort bubble of which my parents enjoy - i want a house, i want a car, i want some cake, i want the best cake - it goes on and on and the only stopping is when they want to.
So then what are we training our powerful, intricate minds to do daily during our lifetime? Are you relentlessly finding new material or tangible things to squeeze into your daily thoughts or perfecting the art of manoevuring through life's obssessive distractions and focusing on the real, true things - the physical human body, heart, mind and soul. With those things, you can't just say "want" because wanting to know how is the heart takes time. You have to take time to learn to feel for it.
And I know what I want. I only ask when I know I want it. And don't worry, I am sure I will get it :)
This week was the CNY 2011 holidays and the revealing results of parenting by which one sibling always says "I want to do this, I want to have that", and the other says "I like to have this, I like to see that" was given its peak. Disregard the personalities, the characters and the social surroundings and purely look at the impact of words.
It is very rare that I will say where I want to go eat on family festive days since my mum always has final say but this year, because I told her I wanted to go somewhere, we went there for lunch. check.
When we came home from dinner and my sister wanted to play mahjong, a Chinese past time which all Chinese people play over CNY, and the whole setup was made live in 30 mins by my parents without my sister lifting a finger. check.
When I told myself "I want to win this round" of mahjong and sat up and put on a serious face and did some banging on the table, I literally won all 3 of my opponents!! It only happened once!! check.
Just as we were getting ready for bed, the "like vs want" thought crossed my mind and my sister spoke at the exact same time: why dont you say "you want" rather than "you like or wish" more often. You should ask for what you want more, ok!? Surprised not by the context of the words but the intimate sameness and feelings it brought to both of us, I could not stop but wonder what brought the same thought into our minds?
The answer is simple. Parents live for children. They feel needed when their children ask them for things. They feel alive when they can provide for their children. They feel proud when they can give their children what they want.
For the longest time, I have been the perpetual opposite of what my parents want to have from me. I am always the rebel in the family and I always choose to do things differently as I choose to live a life of freewill, of spontanaeity and in the grandiose allure of non-compliance. I am sure there are many people like me in this world. However, also for the longest time, my sibling has created the comfort bubble of which my parents enjoy - i want a house, i want a car, i want some cake, i want the best cake - it goes on and on and the only stopping is when they want to.
So then what are we training our powerful, intricate minds to do daily during our lifetime? Are you relentlessly finding new material or tangible things to squeeze into your daily thoughts or perfecting the art of manoevuring through life's obssessive distractions and focusing on the real, true things - the physical human body, heart, mind and soul. With those things, you can't just say "want" because wanting to know how is the heart takes time. You have to take time to learn to feel for it.
And I know what I want. I only ask when I know I want it. And don't worry, I am sure I will get it :)
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